I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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