Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
