I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
