That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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