why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
