so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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