My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
