new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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