I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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