brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
