well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
