yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
