drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
