Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
