Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
