They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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