Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
