somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
