Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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