Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
