Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
