Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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