a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
