Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize