So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
