1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
