fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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