Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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