Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
