Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
