had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
