I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
