My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
