the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize