According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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