I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
