eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
