I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
