she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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