I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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