just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
