well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You did what with his pubic hair?
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