my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
