the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
