I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
