I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
