I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's like iHOP with fire
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
