ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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