This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
