i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What drink are we having for lunch?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
