she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
