It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
