i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
