Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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