he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
