At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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