we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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