i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
