Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
