I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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