hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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