the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
