I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
