the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
