this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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