he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
