Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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