Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
