uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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