oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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