The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
